


Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

by phoenixflyinghigh



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Hale Family, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Kidnapping, M/M, Mania, Mental Instability, Past Child Abuse, Past Torture, Soulmates, but that doesn't happen in the story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 06:00:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12834798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixflyinghigh/pseuds/phoenixflyinghigh
Summary: Who doesn't long for someone to holdWho knows how to love you without being toldSomebody tell me why I'm on my ownIf there's a soulmate for everyoneSince he was a child Derek has dreamed of the morning where he'll wake up and know who his soulmate is.Since he was a child Stiles knew he would be alone forever and that the only person he could count on was himself.Luckily Fate has a plan for everyone.





	Somebody tell me why I'm on my own

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KARIN848](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KARIN848/gifts).



> Thank you @theproblemwithstardust for literally saving me and editing this within a day.
> 
> And to my prompter, KARIN848, I'm really sorry it took this long, life is hard and so is depression. But thankfully this fic really helped and I hope you like it!
> 
> The title is from Soulmate by Natasha Bedingfield.

Stiles had noticed him on his first day working for the library. He had been putting away books in the fiction aisle (which, why did they even have a fiction aisle? They were in college, it’s not like they had free time) when he heard the familiar sound of a head hitting a desk.

Stiles sent out a silent thank you to the heat death of the universe for a chance to take a break from his busywork to see if everything was fine.

And. Well. There was definitely something _fine_ in aisle three (cleanup in aisle three, he chuckled to himself). A boy - no, a _man_ (with the eyebrows of Robin Williams’ penguin from the cinematic classic, Happy Feet) - was banging his head into the textbook in front of him, which could be called a crime by the face on that head.

The hunk was wearing an olive v-neck that accentuated his bicep muscles and a 5 o’clock scowl on his face. (Stiles could put his o’cock on that Adonis’ face any time of day).

Huh, physical therapy. Radical. Stiles was right behind the man now, looking at his textbook. (Radical was a word Californians used, right? He must have heard it on that SNL skit once. Although the TV might not have been playing that day. Did he even have a TV in that room? Didn’t really matter now.) It looked like hard stuff.

He must have hummed at the information because the man in front of him flinched with a shout, “What the fuck are you doing?”

(Huh. He kind of looked like a guard dog with all that shouting.) Stiles kept his eyes on the handsome man as his supervisor dragged him to her office. 

He hadn’t really expected to keep a job in such a quiet space as a library. He had only done it for his dad, Stiles didn’t want to tell him that he didn’t like being in any spaces that required silence. 

Not after.

\-----

Derek slammed the door to his orange truck, already knowing that his nephews had heard him a mile out by the shouts of his name coming from inside his house. He wondered how it felt to be able to hear people that far out.

His parents had been cautious to let him go to a university an hour away from home. But he hadn’t wanted to stay in his bubble of a town and go to the community college in the next town like all of his siblings. 

They had finally backed down when he reasoned that he would come home every weekend, and now in his second year he was coming only every other weekend. He missed seeing Laura’s kids, but he had sealed his future when he had decided to go to USC.

“So, have you woken anywhere strange yet?” 

Derek rolled his eyes as Laura fished for information again. She knew that he would call them the second he got The Switch, he didn’t know why they had to do this every time he visited. 

It’s not like he could tell any of his friends that he met his mate, unless he wanted to make them believe that he had woken up with a weird Doctor Who fetish.

“Laura, lay off of your brother,” his mom came into the dining room with a huge pot of her famous chived mashed potatoes, “some of the freshmen at his school haven’t turned 18 yet,” she winked at her daughter, making Derek sigh.

Derek got some more elbow nudges as the rest of the matriarchs of his extended family filed into the room with their Friday offerings. His mother was the head of the Hale pack so pre-Full Moon dinners were always held at their house, as far as he could remember.

Derek remembered the first Full Moon when he had asked his mother why he never got to run naked under the moon.

His parents had shared an uncomfortable look, before his mother had told him what he had already known deep down. He was a human. 

It wasn’t that bad. It wasn’t like he was getting discriminated against by other packs. It was just that he got reminded of how weak he was whenever he was at home. He knew he was the underbelly of his family, their weakness. 

He knew it perhaps too well. Derek hid his hand under the table, touching the spot where a finger used to be.

A high voice interrupted his thoughts, “Daddy, is Cousin Derek’s mate my age?”

“Why would you say that?” His uncle Peter answered calmly as Derek’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Well, Aunt Mary said that you can only have The Switch once your mate is 18 and Cousin Derek is really old because he isn’t home anymore and he’s been waiting so long -”

“Okay, that’s enough, Katie,” Derek’s mom said not unkindly, “Derek’s mate could be your age or he could be 17 -”

“Or not even born yet!” Laura’s oldest chimed in to the chagrin of Derek, who now had his head in his hands.

Some would say that he was lucky to have a chance of getting his mate because of the wolf in his blood, but how would he even explain this to them? 

_Hey I’m not a werewolf but my family is, which doesn’t mean we’re a cult except I guess it could look like that, but you’re my mate. And I can’t prove that by changing my face so I guess you have to take an hour long car ride with me into farm country to meet my family so they can turn into supernatural creatures in front of you. After stripping naked._

Yeah. Only a crazy person would fall for that.

\-----

Scott slammed the door to their dorm while Stiles was trying to strum any song that wasn’t Wonderwall, which was hard since that was the only song he bothered learning. 

He was having a rare moment where he wasn’t feeling manic - turns out it was a good idea to take your meds instead of selling adderall on the side to afford a fried chicken addiction.

“Dude!” Scott knew not to touch him to get his attention after the debacle when they moved in. Scott had reached for a hug before Stiles could even introduce himself, which made Stiles react by punching his now-best friend in the face. 

Not the best first impression. Stiles was just glad that his dad wasn’t in the room to sigh like he always did these days whenever Stiles did something “different.”

But for some reason Scott stuck around, and Stiles had a best friend for the first time in forever. Probably since his mom.

“...so will you come?” Scott’s puppy eyes stared him down mixing with his thoughts, causing him to agree with whatever plan Scott made to talk to Allison.

An hour later and Stiles was regretting his choice to move to LA. Turns out it wasn’t just a stereotype that everyone liked skate parks and indie vibes. 

Scott had overheard from one of Allison’s friends in his class that she was super into long-boarding, so the natural conclusion in his puppy-dog head was to do a stakeout at Garvanza.

It had a pretty good view from the top of the...basin? Bowl? Who knows.

Of course the reason why they were up here wasn’t the best. For some reason both of them hadn’t taken in account that skating was actually exercise and Scott had taken a break with his inhaler about ten minutes in. Allison better appreciate what Scott was going through. Stiles had to hold him back multiple times so Scott’s death wasn’t in his hands, but it wasn’t so bad.

Not that that was connected to a familiar face with hazel eyes..

Stiles’ eyes tracked the boy from the library as he laughed with a pretty girl with blonde hair. Yeah it wasn’t a bad view at all.

\-------

Yeah, Derek had noticed that the weird boy from the library was staring at him. He had noticed that the boy, Stiles the weird freshman Erica had told him, was cute but gossip had travelled fast about how twitchy and crazy he was across campus. 

Derek even had proof that the kid was selling adderall, since Isaac had told him enthusiastically before passing out, as it had helped the sophomore finish his 15-page paper overnight because of it.

The 20-year old didn’t really feel comfortable with romantic interests though. Braedon was the exception as she already knew about werewolves. It felt safe knowing the 19-year old wasn’t his mate. Derek didn’t think he could cope if his soulmate rejected him, but he couldn’t think of any reasons why they wouldn’t.

And even if his mate was head over heels about him Derek had deep, deep trust issues with anyone. He was lucky to find any friends, let alone three outside of his family. 

Derek rubbed the stump that used to be where his left pointer finger sat. He hadn’t felt pain in it for almost 10 years. He hid his hand, looking down when he noticed the boy looking at his hand, with an unreadable expression on his face.

“What are you going to do about that kid?” Boyd sat next to him, happy to take a break to admire Erica’s skills. “I heard that he just started talking to himself in the middle of Professor McElroy’s class last week.”

“I heard that he got committed into an asylum last year and the only reason he got into USC is because his dad is a Sheriff or something,” Isaac shrugged as Erica and him walked over to them.

“Why?” Derek looked at the boy who was still gazing at him. He wiped his sweaty palms against his jeans, why was he reacting this way? He usually never gave a second thought to new people.

Erica leaned forward, her red lips curving into a smirk, “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I overheard Allison heard from Scott that Stiles told him the real reason why he got committed.” She glanced at the boys, her smile widening as they were all hanging onto her every word, “He was framed.”

Isaac reacted first, “That literally told us nothing, Erica!”

Erica glared at the brunette, “ _Actually_ it tells us that it was easy enough to accuse him of something, which means that he was a total loner. He’s probably weird because he never had any friends.”

“I saw his dad when they were moving into Birnkrant,” Boyd supplied unexpectedly. Derek knew the stoic boy was currently an RA for the dorm mostly for the single room, “He looked at him like was a ticking-bomb, I swear his goodbye was the shortest I’ve ever seen. Just got into his car and sped away, didn’t even hug the kid.”

“Imagine being framed and not even having your dad back you up.” Erica whispered, “I would talk to myself too if I knew no one else would listen to me.”

Derek shook his head, he couldn’t imagine being so isolated from his huge family, and knowing no else cared about him. 

\--------

“Bro are you sure you don’t want to come to my family’s thanksgiving? Mom makes the best cornbread it should be illegal, and I’m not the only one who’s said that!”

Stiles shook his head, a rueful smile on his face, “I appreciate the offer dude, but this paper won’t write itself and I don’t want to invade your family’s space.”

Scott opened his mouth in another attempt to persuade him, but was stopped by the hand on his arm, “You ready to go? It’s a 3 hour drive and I don’t want your mom to think I made you late.”

Stiles’ roommate matched his girlfriend’s playful glare with a dopey smile, “Yeah, I can’t wait for you to meet her babe.” 

Scott turned to go, pausing after opening their dorm, “Are you sure?”

Stiles nodding again, deciding it was a good idea to leave out the small fact that his birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year to his insistent best friend, “I’ll be fine. Enjoy your holiday, Scott.”

\------

Stiles cracked his back. He couldn’t believe he had just written a 3,000 word paper in only five hours. Sure, half of it was about male circumcision but it was an important topic that could be connected to a civics paper on the Great Depression if you had nothing else to do.

He looked at the time. 12:00 am, not bad. 

Oh shit. That meant it was his birthday. 

It was pretty easy to convince his dad that he had to stay in LA instead of flying back to Washington. Apparently his dad had already made plans to have dinner with the Martins, and he knew that Stiles wouldn’t have wanted to go over to their place anyway so Stiles’ offer was cost-effective.

Stiles had thought that he had gotten numb from the escalated distance his dad had made between them after his mom had died. It wasn’t like they had ever had a lot of one-on-one dad-son time before his mom had fallen ill. His best friend had always been his mom anyway, she understood when he had days where he needed to do something with his hands or the days when he couldn’t get out of bed and couldn’t stop bursting out into tears. 

She would take his hand on his manic days, even if it was 3am in the morning and say, “Come, Słoneczko you’re old enough to learn how to make your Babcia’s famous almond cookies.”

Słoneczko. She used to say he was her sunshine, _It’s because you’re the little one who brought brightness to my life, Mieczyslaw,_ she used to say. 

Stiles thought of the last words his dad said before leaving for Seattle. _Be good for once. Just. Act normal for once._

The newly 18-year old rubbed his chest, right over where his heart. He needed alcohol. And if he cried himself to sleep Thanksgiving morning, no one had to know.

\--------

One of Derek’s favorite holidays had always been Thanksgiving. Like, fuck Christopher Columbus sideways with a chainsaw, but he would never be able to dissociate the holiday from his memories of the one time of the year that he was allowed to run through the forest with his cousins. It was the day where they stuffed themselves with food, more than they did every full moon, and celebrated being with one another. It reminded him of his pack and how they were the ones that he was living for when he was at his worst.

But this year he felt more excited than ever, and he couldn’t understand why.

He hadn’t been able to sleep until 2am, where he felt a sudden wave of complete loss before succumbing into a deep sleep.

\-------

The moment Stiles woke up he knew he wasn’t in LA anymore. He couldn’t hear horns protesting the traffic at all times of day. But right now the only thing he could hear was wind. And nothing else.

No. This couldn’t be happening again. He moved all the way to California so he didn’t have to go over the process of finding himself in an unfamiliar place before having his whole life get turned upside down.

“Derek!” Suddenly a pretty teenager with jet black hair burst through the door. She balked at his already awake form. Stiles froze, not sure how he could explain landing in an unfamiliar place where there was no “Derek”. Stiles surreptitiously looked around to see if there was any blood on the sheets just in case.

“I thought Mom told you to get downstairs to help out with dinner as soon as you woke up! Come on, Der.”

Stiles looked at her, confused out of his mind. Why was this girl insisting that he was Derek? He looked down at his hands…

His finger was missing.

No, this wasn’t even his hand. A hand he had never had before was missing a finger.

Stiles let out a scream, his hands shaking. He couldn’t clench his hands enough to grip the blankets beneath him, aching for an anchor. He felt like a pressure had descended on his chest. Stiles only distantly registered the girl yelling for someone to help Derek.

He wanted to cry but tears weren’t coming out. It was really happening this time. He was going out of his mind. 

This was his fault. He should have been taking his meds regularly like his doctor said, instead of selling some for food and alcohol. He had brought this on himself just like last time. 

He had thought having friends to protect him from other threats would have prevented this. But he had never opened up to Scott or Allison about the thoughts in his mind. 

Stiles felt a motherly presence near him. It was startling.

“Honey, can I touch you? I just want to rub your back or hug you. You’re safe, okay, honey?” A soft voice floated next to him.

Stiles registered himself nodding slightly before a warm hand started to rub his back in circles accompanied by tender words.

Slowly Stiles felt himself calm down enough to register his surroundings. Next to him was a maternal version of the teenage girl who was still in the room with another brunette who looked a little older than him. 

The older one stepped forward, “Der-”

“Not now, Laura.” Her mother put up her hand before looking at Stiles with kind eyes, “You’re not Derek, are you?”

Stiles’ hands started to shake again. His tear ducts let out a delayed reaction, “It’s happening again. It can’t happen again,” Stiles sobbed, “Oh god, I’m going crazy.”

“What’s your name?” The woman took his hand and didn’t look surprised when he clutched it in desperation.

“Stiles,” he stuttered in reply. Fuck, this was so embarrassing, although he had just woken up in a different body in the middle of nowhere. So he guessed he deserved a little slack.

One of the girls whispered to her sister as if everything was making sense to them. Lucky.

“Okay Stiles, I’m Talia. I just want to repeat that no one hear is here to hurt you,” She started rubbing circles on Stiles’ hand, noticing him slowly relax his grip, “Now, what do you know about soulmates?”

“Soulmates?”

Talia smiled, “Yes, soulmates. What you just woke up to is actually considered something beautiful. You’re currently in your soulmate’s body.”

Stiles looked down at his new hands with wonder in his eyes. They didn’t look frightening anymore. These hands were a promise that someone could possibly love him as he was.

Talia chuckled, “Usually in our family it becomes a game to discover who your soulmate is, but we’ll give you some slack. After all today’s an important holiday.”

Stiles watched Talia stand up, cracking her back, “Oh, I didn’t know Thanksgiving meant so much to other families.”

“It’s not Thanksgiving we’re celebrating now,” the younger girl piped up rolling her eyes, “you’re pack now, so we’re going to celebrate your birthday, pack style.”

“Pack?” Stiles asked as the girl dragged him down the stairs.

\-------

Why was his face wet? Derek rubbed his sore eyes as he sat up from his dorm bed.

Wait. Why was he back in LA?

Derek dropped the vodka clenched in his hand, shattering the glass. So his mate liked whipped cream vodka. Good to know.

He felt anticipation in his veins. He could finally find his soulmate. 

Derek could always drive back home since he knew his mate landed there, but he had always daydreamed of learning little things about his mate when this day would finally come.

It was weird that his mate hadn’t travelled to spend Thanksgiving or his birthday with his family. Derek couldn’t imagine a reason why. Perhaps his mate was an orphan.

Derek stuck out his chest. Even though he wasn’t a wolf, he still had pack blood running through his veins. He would make sure his mate would be provided for and never feel so alone again. 

So alone. Derek looked back at the shattered vodka and the tear-stained pillow beneath him.

Okay. He was going to learn as much as he could about his mate before driving back home to make sure his 18th birthday would be one to remember.

\-------

Stiles didn’t know how or when he had started peeling potatoes in his soulmate’s kitchen. He had never laughed or smiled so hard for years, his face hurt as one of Derek’s aunts teased Laura about her sex life. It was so weird that everyone was so close to each other. He had thought that families like these only existed in TV shows.

The panic had faded as soon as Talia had shown him her beta shift. He immediately started asking questions, reaching out to touch her fangs, intrigued by this totally new culture he had never believed existed.

The other family members in the kitchen had seemed relieved by his reaction, and Talia didn’t snap at him for all of his questions. It was so different to have people actually want to hear his thoughts. He was so used to people tuning him out when he started babbling, and it didn’t even bother him anymore. He had forgotten what it felt like to have people care about him.

He had never felt this comfortable with others (especially strangers), which really helped with their insisting that it was because of his soulmate bond.

“So does Derek’s beta shift look like yours, Talia?”

In the corner of his eye he saw some of the family members freeze. 

Talia opened her mouth but Cora was the one to blurt out, “Derek’s the only human in the pack.”

“Yes, that is true,” Talia gave Cora a stern look, “which is the reason why that finger has never healed.” She gestured at the missing finger on Derek’s body, “Human are weak, and it is true that Derek in turn is the one who is targeted out of everyone in the pack.”

Stiles looked down at his hands, “Is that why…?”

Laura shared a look with her mother, “Derek was kidnapped when he was twelve by a group of hunters,” at Stiles’ confused look she explained, “there are people who believe that werewolves are abominations and need to be put down. Usually we make pacts with them so hunter families can only step in with cases with omegas, werewolves without a pack.”

“Then why did they kidnap the only human? Could they not tell the difference?” Stiles scoffed, upset at the idea of his soulmate being so defenseless against people who hated his family.

“They used him as a hostage to trap us so they could massacre us quickly,” Talia sighed, “our first plan had been to find him and break him out, but we took too long. So they gave us a reminder of what was at stake.”

Stiles felt sick at the thought of a preteen Derek struggling while faceless people cut the finger off. Those people were the real monsters.

“But if Derek had been a werewolf, the torture would have been more extreme. So at least there’s that.”

They stewed in the silence for a moment before Talia clapped her hands, “Well I think that’s enough angst for this holiday. Let’s make this the best Mating Day that this pack has seen!”

“The only thing that could beat this is a Mating Day on Christmas,” a man who had been introduced as Peter whispered to his wife, who pinched him in return.

Stiles smiled.

\--------

So his mate was Stiles. 

Derek had to admit that this made sense for the tingles he had felt when the boy had been around him, although he had contributed that to Stiles’ stare.

Stiles had only gotten one happy birthday text from a Scott and no calls or messages from family members. So Boyd must have been right about their relationship.

The more Derek explored Stiles’ room and belongings, the sadder the boy’s life seemed. The only picture frame on his side of the room held a stock photo for Pete’s sake.

Derek couldn’t take more of this. He grabbed the keys left on the table and hoped he would be able to find Stiles’ car. He needed to get to his mate as soon as possible.

\------

Stiles wondered what Derek was doing in his body. Maybe he had seen the way Stiles lives and decided he couldn’t handle it. This would be the best birthday regardless, so Stiles didn’t give a rat’s ass as he shot a nerf gun at one of Peter’s kids.

The kids in the pack had immediately taken a liking with him. One girl even said she was glad he was old because she didn’t like the idea of Derek’s mate being her age. Kids, Stiles shook his head with a wide grin on his face.

“Ready or not, here I come!”

\--------

Derek was 10 minutes away and was cursing at himself for not texting Laura that he was coming home. Who knew what Stiles was putting up with now.

Should he have gotten flowers? Did anyone tell Stiles that as soon as they touched they would switch bodies again? What if Cora had tied his mate up and had the little ones play dress up?

He loved his family, really.

Derek hopped up the sidewalk towards the front door with a messy bouquet of magnolias he stole from Aunt Penelope. Hopefully she wouldn’t kill him today.

The door swung open before he could open the door to reveal his aunt’s glare. Damn those werewolf reflexes.

She held up a finger, “Once.” Derek nodded with wide eyes until she broke out into a smile, “Go on, your boy’s playing with the girls.”

Oh God, he had been right. He cautiously stepped into the lounge, expecting to see an upset Stiles wrapped in sparkly ribbons. Which wouldn’t be the worst thing. 

Instead he got ran over by a body that felt too familiar, and the world turned into a dizzy nothingness.

\------

Stiles came back to his body. Fuck, his plan had been thwarted and Daisy was going to make him drink all the leftover gravy. He should never taken a bet from a 13 year-old werewolf.

“Stiles.” The rough voice he had gotten used to for the day made him look up into hazel eyes.

Derek threw the nerf gun from his hand and drew Stiles close to him. Stiles’ world turned upside down as Derek dipped him into a kiss worthy of a Meg Ryan romantic comedy movie.

Stiles clutched onto Derek’s considerable biceps as he gave into the kiss. It was soft and sweet as they explored each other in a different way. Derek tasted like the yams and cornbread Stiles had been sneaking.

Derek drew back first, bringing Stiles up with him, “Fuck,” he breathed and then immediately blushed, “Fuck, sorry that was so rude, I just went in -”

“Be rude again, please,” Stiles leant in and captured Derek’s lips with his own, addicted now to the other boy’s everything. 

His hands stroked up the nape of Derek’s neck, feeling the soft baby hairs and running his fingers through the black hair. He couldn’t get enough of this boy. 

He had thought Derek was hot all those months ago in the library, but after learning about him and connecting with his family, Derek had become irresistible. 

Stiles was actually excited to see what the future held for the first time.

\------

Stiles didn’t stop having his depressive episodes but now he had someone to hold him and show him memes. Derek didn’t lie to him or tell him to try yoga for his manic episodes. Instead he would ask Stiles to teach him how to bake Babcia’s almond cookies at 3am and then poison everyone in his complex after using salt instead of sugar.

In return Stiles finally had a best friend who trusted him enough to hold the other boy after his nightmares of memories that would never go away. Someone who would laugh after Stiles spit out barbed words at an ableist person who _had_ to comment on how brave Derek was for living without a finger.

Somehow two broken boys had managed to find someone else with matching jagged lines to fit perfectly. Somehow two boys who thought they would always live in the shadows found their sunshine. 

And if Derek’s eyes decided to sweat after Stiles explained why he called him Słoneczko, no one had to know.


End file.
